…excerpts from an article from the internet.
Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss, whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same.
There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.
DENIAL - Just as your brain uses shock and numbness to cope with physical trauma, shock and denial is the coping mechanism it uses for mental and/or emotional trauma. Our minds need time… lots of time to adjust to the reality of what has happened. Shock and denial is the natural way in which this happens. Some of the feelings we experience might be restlessness, numbness, bewilderment. The ability to concentrate is definitely impaired which may make it difficult to think. Be aware that accidents may happen more often because of the inability to concentrate. That doesn’t mean that we should curl up somewhere and not do anything. It just means that major tasks and decisions may require some assistance. Reality and the pain that goes with it; acceptance and the peace that it brings will come. It just takes time, probably longer than we want.
ANGER - As the denial wears off and reality sets in, immense pain emerges. Many times this pain is redirected into anger. This anger can be directed inward, or onto friends, family, inanimate objects, health professionals, or even the deceased. This anger usually results in guilt, which brings more anger.
BARGAINING - We all know what it is. Things get tough; the pain becomes overwhelming. So we enter, consciously or unconsciously, into some form of negotiation. We bargain with whomever we feel can relieve our situation. Bargaining is really an attempt to postpone; it has to include a prize offered "for good behavior". It also sets a self-imposed "deadline" and it includes an implicit promise that the person will not ask for more if this one desire is granted. In Contrast, bargaining is (for most of us) a last ditch attempt to try to control life so that it will go our way. This phase of grief is often the briefest of all the stages. It is the final effort on the part of people to hold onto what is important to them or if it has already been lost, then to find some way to ease the pain.
DEPRESSION - Depression marks the breakdown of our defenses in times of grief. The reality of our loss sinks in deeply. It surrounds us; it dominates us; it crushes us. "Eventually there comes a feeling of utter depression and isolation. It is as if God is no longer in His heaven, as if God does not care. It is during these days we are sure that no one else has ever grieved as we are grieving." Some of the symptoms of depression are: Sadness and hopelessness; Loss of appetite; Insomnia; Inability to enjoy anything; Anxious or restless behavior; Apathy; Preoccupation with thoughts of suicide; Wishing to be dead; Loss of interest in sex; Difficulty in concentration and making decisions; Poor memory; Irritability; Feelings of worthlessness; Inability to cry even if one desperately needs or wants to. There is no "normal" time frame for depression, the sense of loss ebbs and flows over time. Furthermore, depression may reoccur when memories are rekindled by a song, a sight, etc. These feelings cannot be mitigated by urging the person to "cheer up". To deal with depression, one must be reconciled with the past. This includes developing a self-identity that is not rooted in what has been lost, for the Christian, such stability can be found in one’s relationship with Christ. Knowing that we are loved by God, knowing that this world is, indeed, passing away and that real glory is awaiting us, and knowing that God will never leave us or forsake us makes it possible to deal with our depression. However, there is no such thing as automatically "getting over" a loss. No one can determine how quickly or how slowly a person will move through depression. Nor should pressure be applied to "get on with life".
ACCEPTANCE - Hope emerges…That’s the best way to describe it. It is so subtle that you might not be aware of its presence. You start to notice that your good days start outnumbering the bad which can have a dual effect. You may feel guilty for feeling good while at the same time you feel encouraged that you will get better. You are able to make decisions and handle problems more easily. You begin to realize that you are moving forward and can once again enjoy life. You smile and laugh (yes, it will be possible to find your sense of humor again) and are rewarded with the smiles of family, friends and strangers. You may experience renewed meaning in life. There is definitely a possibility for emotional, spiritual, and personal growth. You will definitely be a different person - stronger, more involved, wiser, more compassionate, concerned, understanding and aware.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can’t stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
